Emergency Alert System - Flatland Edition
by Blue Raspberry Ametrine
Summary: A Spherical UFO is terrorizing Chicago; abducting citizens and invading homes. This is what the EAS warning may look like. Based off of Flatland by Edwin A. Abbott.
1. The UFO

**Author's Note and Disclaimer: I do not own Flatland. Flatland is written by Mr. Edwin A. Abbott, and this is simply a wacky spoof with no intention to claim it as my own.**

 **Also, this is not a real EAS Alert, and while I am completely fine with a Dub as long as I am given credit, please do not use it as such or to scare people.**

…

 **Date: January 1st, 2017**

 **Time: 12:30 AM**

 **Location: Chicago, Illinois (USA)**

…

We interrupt our regular programming for a broadcast of the Emergency Alert System. Please stand by for a message if you are currently in the city of Chicago or any of the surrounding areas.

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This is an Alien Invasion warning. This is _not_ a test, or a prank. The following message has been transmitted by request of the White House and the United States president.

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A large, spherical UFO has been reported flying over Chicago and the surrounding areas. So far, it has abducted 23 people, with no signs of slowing down.

No information is known about the UFO's origin, but it does not appear to be assisted or have back up. First-hand witnesses state it has spoken to multiple victims, claiming it will take them to a 'Fourth Dimension' hidden from our view, before disappearing without a trace.

It has also been seen entering people's houses by shrinking to nothing and re-emerging on the inside.

The sphere often changes size, varying from a small point to approximately the size of a large supermarket. So far, no force has been able to slow it down, and no weaknesses have been observed. Nothing is known about the sphere at this time, as it is most likely of extraterrestrial origin.

If you are in Chicago or any of the surrounding areas, take shelter _Now._ While the sphere has been shown to bypass walls, it is possible that it may be limited by some materials, and any chance at survival is better than none.

Close and cover all windows. Turn off your lights, and take shelter _now._ Do not let the sphere know your whereabouts, or if your house is occupied. Military officials will arrive to escort you and your family to a safer location as soon as possible, if the sphere can not be stopped or restrained.

Take care to reduce the number of casualties. Please stay tuned for updates in the Chicago area. If this is not your local area, please tune to a radio station with information for your local area.

…

Please stand by for a message from the president or a presidential representative.

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 _My fellow Americans… for a while we have wondered if any other life forms inhabited this universe besides the ones of our own planet. Now, we know there are._

 _In the future, we will be able to negotiate more with our newly-discovered neighbors, but for now, we must fight this UFO. It is a shame our first encounter with other-worldly creatures had to be violent, but in the moment, we must focus on simply protecting our own._

 _No information is currently known on how to stop it, but all government officials are working on the matter as I speak._

 _The Air Force is currently attempting to bring down the UFO in a depopulated area, and I believe they will manage the feat swiftly and cleanly._

 _After today, I assure the citizens of this fine country, the first country to make its mark in the cosmic sands of time, our relationship with other-worldly lifeforms will be more peaceful. Today will go down in history as our first encounter, but I hope it will not become a bad first impression._

 **Please stay tuned for more updates!**


	2. Another Update

**Date: January 1st, 2017**

 **Time: 1:15 AM**

 **Location: Chicago, Illinois (USA)**

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Please stand by for details on the current Alien Attack.

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The number of casualties abducted by the UFO has increased to 129. The sphere appears to have no weaknesses that cannot be rendered null by changing size or disappearing completely.

So far, the Air Force has not been able to bring the sphere down, but progress has been made. Cracks have been made on the sphere's surface. Recent encounters reveal the sphere may not be a UFO _ship_ as previously believed, but an alien itself. The components of its body, if it is even biological, are still unknown.

...

If you are not taking shelter, find shelter _now._ Cover all windows and turn off all lights. If you are in your car or boat, get as low to the ground as possible. All planes above US soil should land immediately, and pilots will be receiving special instructions to protect their passengers. If you can not find shelter indoors, hide low to the ground, as the sphere has not been seen lower than one hundred feet so far.

If possible, hide underground, as the sphere has not shown any digging abilities at this moment.

Stay quiet and do not let the sphere know your location, or you may be abducted. **None of the abducted have returned so far, and it is very possible they have been killed. Do not risk your own life as well.**

The White House and the Air Force are doing everything in their power to protect the citizens of America. Please stay calm. Panic will only lead to more danger than is necessary, and may put yourself and others at risk.

...


	3. Progress

**Date: January 1st, 2017**

 **Time: 2:00 AM**

 **Location: Chicago, Illinois (USA)**

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Please stand by for a message from the White House. Please stand by for a message from the White-

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Citizens of America, the situation regarding the extraterrestrial Sphere that has entered our world appears to be improving. The sphere has been tied down in an open field, and has returned three dozen of the abducted, and claims it will return the rest shortly. So far, all of the abducted are being put in quarantine until medical services are certain they are not carrying any extraterrestrial diseases.

While it claims it can leave our dimension at any moment, so any attacks we make are not worth the effort, it has so far complied with the Military after being captured. Until a peaceful plan can be made with the Sphere and all abducted are returned, it will be locked in an undisclosed location.

No other countries have reported encounters with aliens, and it claims it is not backed up. It has also said it came from the 4th dimension, to show humans a better world. It says it could escape at any second, and is simply playing along. The abducted who have returned report seeing our dimension in an indescribable way, from a 4th dimensional view.

A representative of the President has been sent to negotiate with the sphere.

While it is recommended to stay in your shelter, all regular broadcasting may resume until the next message.

…


	4. The Ending

**Date: January 1st, 2017**

 **Time: 6:00 AM**

 **Location: Chicago, Illinois (USA)**

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We interrupt regular programming to broadcast a message from the White House.

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After tough negotiations with the alien Sphere, he has agreed to return all of the abducted and leave our dimension and planet. He disappeared as soon as the agreement was made.

Now, all of the abducted, a number which reached 184, are all under quarantine, but most will be cleared to return home within the next few weeks.

A small number of the abducted have fallen ill to a strange disease, causing them to lose the ability to walk and become unable to read, however, none have died and all are still conscious. So far, it does not appear to be contagious, but if you or anyone you know is experiencing similar symptoms, please bring them to the nearest medical center.

What has infected or altered these people is currently unknown, but medical researchers are actively searching for an answer.

While the recent alien invasion has certainly ended easier than expected, we can not be certain this will be the last of it. It is impossible to know if the Sphere was lying or not. Military forces will be trained to take on any possible future attacks.

The President will make a speech in Washington D.C. in three days to address the issue. For now, all citizens may go outside. All regular programming may resume.


End file.
